LAST NIGHT'S ENCOUNTER

Have you ever feel like something or someone is talking to you, well in your mind that is.. Well it was normal to me until last night. I was on my bed praying my night prayer, when suddenly something came to my mind, telling me about Priesthood, all the wonders of joining them.. I hesitated to listen and think about it, turning and switching position just to find comfort on my bed to sleep, but i can't..

I told to myself, "Honestly I can't join the Priesthood, Yes, my heart is longing for Jesus but there's a deep side of me which is attracted to a female".. I was reluctant to even listen to anything about it, and yet i couldn't sleep.. It was asking me to speak to a Priest about it.. Moreover, it was stressing me about my studies, asking me to study hard first.. So Yes, immediately i spoke to one of the Priest.. Ask Him about His calling and How would one know when is the calling... He gave me a very strong point, He said " God speaks in many ways, in your heart quietly, or through your involvement in various spiritual activities. Also, it is more important to choose a spiritually mature person to be your spiritual director to help you discern".. And I was thinking to myself, is it possible? That is when i looked back and recall about last night.. Maybe, is that God? was God speaking to me? I wouldn't know.. But Rev. also said that " be open and study hard first and work awhile".. And yet, it still comes back to last night, where something stressed me about studying..

Confused and stunt, I told myself that this is all in the hands of the Lord, but I know He's always there for me..

MOTIVATION WHEN BEING ISOLATED

Well, I would admit that at time I can be a little bit emotional, but it’s not that I want to be realized or noticed, it’s just that, well sometimes the most strangest questions will come to My mind and would make Me want to scream my lungs out at the top of my voice..

Being the “Black Sheep of The Family” (literally), I would always have My own perspective and to top that of,  I am mischievous too.. I figured that is why I have always been left out from My family.. Having been alienated is no fun at all, trust me, I had been there.. Nobody to turn to, nobody to talk to, its just you, you and you.. Each time I see a family passing in front of Me, a mother and a father holding their children’s hands, I would feel sad and just want to burst to tears.. Questions will be popping in My mind, all kinds of  questions.. I would eventually ignore all those questions but the pain still remains.. That is when I would look down, would degrade, would think negatively about Myself.. Most of My friends would ask Me, why is it so? But I really can’t answer them for I would feel ashamed of Myself.. Sometimes I don’t blame My friends for the words that they had used to make me depressed, I don’t blame anybody for that, for Me, being humble plays a big roll in life.. I want to be that guy, I want to be the guy that people look up to, but I guess that is just fantasizing.. I realized u can’t just score an A for your maths exam without revising.

But, in every apple tree, there’s still some rotten apples.. In other words, there’s still some bitterness in life.. But yet to say, there’s still hope, just believe in yourself.. After all, you only need a spark to light a fire and only a candle to lighten up the whole room.. 

The Past Feelings RETURNS..

Well, you can called it as a coincidence or maybe just fate, but it was amazing to see Her again after these long long years.. Seeing Her once again made me feel sad, but I was happy cause of what She is doing with Her life..

As I saw Her, I began to get a few flashbacks of back then when We first met.. We met in a camp, a church camp, I believed it was "Love at First Sight" as I had a good glimpse at Her.. Her smile can make a person float in thin air.. She is cute, I would admit that but She have a good personality deep within Her.. She's caring, no doubt funny, and deep inside of Her there is a Lovable side.. She was an hyper-active person and She was responsible of Her duties too.. Well, I remember during one of the nights in camp, We went out to look at the stars together, it was worth of a life time! At that time, My feelings for her became stronger than ever before because I felt comfortable being around Her.. At the last day of camp, a tragic moment occurred, I was packing up My stuff, getting ready to leave camp and back home, when suddenly I passed out.. One of my room-mate ran to get help.. Our Chaperone came together with the health kit, and attended me.. As I came to my senses, I saw Her in front of Me.. I was delighted to see Her but then, there's like something bugging Her.. Later on, I couldn't find Her in the bus nor in church.. 10 years of search, finally I found Her.. I felt so happy, even when i sleep there's a smile on my face...

So, We are just friends now.. Nothing more according to Her.. Well for Me, I'm just glad to see Her once again, although it brought back all those memories, but as long as She is happy then so am I..